worried heart is beating with darkness
feeling so cold and tight inside of the skull
nerve function has been out of order
blind fear is lingering around
falling to the deepness of the inner spiral

dream is still a dream that never changes

生活迫人：貧孝少年 實在不

I think most of you have read about this news. I have special feeling on this event.

While the media is blaming the SWD for having a too harsh policy on this good guy and turning everyone’s attention to the social and political side of this event, I am focusing on the personal feeling and pressure faced by him. I am not blaming everyone in this case, but I give my sympathy to him. How can you imagine you are running out of money and everyone in your family is waiting you to give them a supper? Can you imaging having just a few dollars in your pocket as well as your saving a/c? Having a retarded mother, having a schooling sister, having no education qualification, what can he do?

The pressure is not only from the 20000 debt to SWD, but from his own feeling, his own expectation, his commitment to his mother and sister, his neighbor, his daily thought, his own ego. I can feel the anxiety making him crazy. The hopelessness makes him fall. One will go extreme while facing the extreme situation.

I can see some feedback from yahoo talking about this case, saying he should have been more optimistic. How can that be? How can one be strong when facing such situation? One is especially weak when facing endlessness. When he tried so hard, and nothing gets better, how can one stand still? Before we can say anything about his attitude, I think we must have a similar feeling, or “feeling by imagination”, before we make such comment.

Is your feeling real enough?

Addictions Management

I am starting to get my alcohol taking habit under control, as some of you may already know.

It is not an easy process, I can tell you.

I used to al. during my leisure time, everyday. It has been very long for me to go to bed without beer.

Many of my friends give me support, I will surely fail without them. Hope it is not too late to start just now.

But sleeplessness is now asking for my life.

It has been accompanied with me for long, which I feel weaker and weaker.

Suddenly, it seems I have changed.

Intented to quit smoking, squeezing myself not to drink, and keep away from philosophy.

But I am not happy afterall.

我討厭，繼續苟且偷生

誰來告訴我可以做些甚麼

讓我離開這絕望的循環？

before writing the "after show report" of pink ployd and muse, i would like to jot something i felt today, which is very fresh

today i went as a volunteer of my past company. it was an health screening event with some gimmicks on the stage. this is what i planned to do before i left. i was all passed to my ex-colleagues.

and afterall, it was done beautifully. i really praise that effort placed on it.

but afterall, i felt little bit sad for myself. these are all what i longed for, and these are all what i wanted to do, but afterall, i gave it all up. i choose this way on my own. i can blame no one

i understand it's a choice of me, and i understand it's what i expected. but indeed, i am not feeling well.

我覺得, 我失去了所有